(instrumental opening)

Oy, yi, yi, yi...

Now if there's a jacket on Chalamet
it's only there, trying to fool the public.
But when it comes to wearing a shirt
Timothée, that's quite a different subject.
And then Megan Thee Stallion was sloppy.
Dressed for after-party at Popeye's.
Really, it's sad.
(Sad, sad, so sad.)
Oh, sadder than sad.
(Sad, sad, so sad.)
They all thought that their clothes were rad
(They thought their clothes were rad.)
that their outfits were making us glad.
(Outfits don't make us glad.)

Now, there's some sad things known to man
but ain't too much sadder than
the fears of a gown
in the Hollywood town.

Oy vey, baby...

Now, Kristen Stewart, button your shirt.
But I simply don't think she's gonna.
Look at how high her heels and skirt.
Higher than Seth Rogen's marijuana.
Wesley Snipes, look what he's got, man:
A burgundy suit of a Scotsman.
And we can lament
(We can lament)
Maggie Gyllenhaal's raiment.
(Maggie's raiment)
Down the middle, looks like she's sent
(Middle, looks like she's sent)
several car hood ornaments!
(Car hood ornaments!)

Now, there's some sad things known to man
but ain't too much sadder than
the fears of a gown
in the Hollywood town.

You all know what Will Smith did
but Jada could not keep it hid:
The dress she wore, it was not cute:
Looked like a green parachute!
The fears of a gown
in the Hollywood town.
Oy vey, baby...

Now, if there's a smile on my face
don't let my glad expression
be taken for their clothes' accession.
Don't let those gowns they wear
make you think they really care...

(instrumental fadeout)