I thought I’d buy a new gun
A Sherman tank is what I bought for fun
After a mile I was peeved: the link came undone

So then the track was askew
Track was wonky, an’ repairs were due
Some cattle got in the way, an’ then they were goo

(Cow), (cow), cow splat! A tank is stout: their guts were out
Cow splat…meat was so ground, they were flat
It’s good fried…that cow splat…it’s good fried

The owner came; he was vile
All his cows were layin’ in a pile
He didn’t think it was fun: he frowned then he blew

(Pow!), (pow!), Pow! Splat! I’d dissed a lout; some teeth were out
Pow! Splat! Whacked on the bonce with his bat
I could die…I then shat…I could die…oh no…oh dear

Well, I was layin’ in poo (as well as snot an’ pee)
Layin’ bloated; I was black an’ blue (when I tried to flee)
His missus jumped in the fray, an’ belted me too

(Pow!), (pow!), Pow! Splat! She broke my snout; more teeth were out
Pow! Splat! Whacked on the bonce with her bat…I could die
Pow! Splat! She broke my snout; more teeth were out
Pow! Splat! Whacked on the bonce with her bat
I could die…I then shat…could die…oh no…oh dear