The problem is all inside that car ahead of me
The answer is easy, I'll tailgate that SUV
My brights will blind them in their rear-view mirror's gleam

There must be
Fifty ways to deal with road rage

Those bastards up ahead are stupid and so rude
Earlier, those dopes went screaming by and cut me off so crude
But they'll find out right now, I'm a do-not-mess-with-dude

There must be
Fifty ways to deal with road rage
Fifty ways to deal with road rage

Just flip 'em the bird, Burt
Make a rude face, Ace
You don't need to speed by, Guy
Just pass 'em and brake

Tailgate their bus, Gus
Run 'em right off the street, Pete
Just bump 'em an' they'll be
So scared that they pee

Just puncture their wheel, Neil
Steal their hubcap, Chap
When they park it's your chance, Lance,
To scrape with a key

Pull up alongside, Clyde
Roll down your win-dow, Moe
And smile when you scream, Gene,
"Hey a**hole, biiiite me!"

Ahead of me there goes the source of all my pain
I wish there was something I could do to make my fury plain
I said, "I'd appreciate if, OnStar™, you'd please explain,
About the fifty ways...?"

They said "Why don't you push the button on the right,
And you'll receive a quick warning, then the rockets will ignite."
So then I pushed it, and that SUV blew up without a fight

That was a
Nifty way to deal with road rage!
Nifty way to deal with road rage!

Just blow out their back, Jack
Hit 'em in the rear, dear
Just splash 'em with gas, Lass
Then ignite 'em with glee

Burn up their bus, Gus
Torch 'em right on the street, Pete
Make a barbecue scene, Gene
Of their SUV

Just call up OnStar™, Lars
Listen to them, Clem
They'll say what to do, Lou
Which button to press

Just set your cross-hairs, Claire
On their car's derriere, where,
Your rockets will land, and,
Revenge will beeee grand!