"There's problems how you use your head," she said to me
"You'd go down better with more oral sex technique
You think you've got it licked, but I'd give you a "C"
There must be fifty ways to eat your lover"

She said, "You gotta do something to get me in the mood
And yes, it is a thing that should not be eschewed
Good things come to those who wait - don't be a prude
There must be fifty ways to eat your lover"
Fifty ways to eat your lover

You just slip in the back, Jack
Don't use a whole hand, Stan
Get a nice toy, Roy
To tickle and tease

What gives her a buzz, Gus
You don't need to diss fuzz much
Shave off the goatee, Lee
And let yourself please

Ooh, you've got the knack, Jack
Make her do handstands
Be her toy boy, Roy
You just listen to me

Increase her lust, Gus
You don't need to lick butt (much)
Don't run off to pee, Lee
And let yourself please


She said, "I read the first verse: I've been misconstrued
That's not exactly why I want you in the nude"
I said, "Haha, that's funny.. what, shall I be barbecued
As one of fifty ways?"
She said, "You've hit the nail right upon the head
But you'll stay fresh for longer.. if you're not dead"
I thought I'd have her, she's having me for lunch instead
I guess there's fifty ways to eat your lover
Fifty ways to eat your lover


You just carve up the back, Jack
Fry in a pan, Stan
Have a finger buffet, Ray
Foreskin calamari

Oh, leave him concussed, Gus
You don't need pick cuts, much
Just nibble a knee, Lee
And let yourself feed

Ketchup in the crack, Jack
Deep fry a hand, Stan
Garnish with pak choi, Roy
..or broccoli

Nibble the nuts, Gus
It's cannibalingus
Do not neglect her, Lecter
Just let yourself feed


[Envoi]
That's when the police broke in, crashing through the door
To be confronted with my blood, and guts, and gore
She tried explaining, saying "that's what friends are: vore"
..and all the fifty ways