I have this problem that occurs to me each night
As I awaken from my slumber, facing a frigid fright
I’m bare from head to toes, a husband’s scary sight
There must be fifty ways she steals the covers

No matter what I do it always the same tune
She’s wrapped herself up in a hibernating cocoon
As I’m left with hypothermia in my own bedroom
There must be fifty ways she steals the covers

Just use a hot glue gun, Son
Or some velcro, Roy
A box of nails, Dale
Enough is enough
Stake down your side, Clyde
So you don’t freeze off your behind
Just do what you can , Dan
To keep those covers up

Just use a hot glue gun, Son
Or some velcro, Roy
A box of nails, Dale
Enough is enough
Stake down your side, Clyde
So you don’t freeze off your behind
Just do what you can , Dan
To keep those covers up

This has been going on for over twenty years
A constant battle with results that’s always clear
An icy feel and a frozen bright blue rear
There must be fifty ways she steals the covers

The only good thing that I see from my bed ice chest
That one day I will be more famous than all the rest
I’ll be in Guinness Records with the World’s Smallest Penis
There must be fifty ways she steals the covers
Fifty ways she steals the covers

Just use a hot glue gun, Son
Or some velcro, Roy
A box of nails, Dale
Enough is enough
Stake down your side, Clyde
So you don’t freeze off your behind
Just do what you can , Dan
To keep those covers up

Just use a hot glue gun, Son
Or some velcro, Roy
A box of nails, Dale
Enough is enough
Stake down your side, Clyde
So you don’t freeze off your behind
Just do what you can , Dan
To keep those covers up