We're so sorry, Eddie Albert
We're so sorry that "Green Acres" is a hit
We're so sorry, Eddie Albert
Cause you thought you'd do the pilot
Grab a paycheck, and then split

We're so sorry that your sitcom leads the pack, top ten
We're so sorry, Eddie Albert
But if ratings start to plummet, you'll be first to get the sack

We're so sorry, Eddie Albert
But the scripts we get are funnier each day
We're so sorry, Eddie Albert
But the sponsor's Wesson Oil, and we just signed your life away

Eb's across the barnyard (barnyard)
Haney's on the sly
Eb's across the barnyard (barnyard)
Haney's on the sly

Filming a scene with Eva Gabor
I'm ankle-deep in chickens, I'm diapering a boar
I was a movie star but I'm not one anymore, and I wonder why
You wonder why?
(You're on a TV show, kiss your film career goodbye)

Sam's behind the counter (counter)
Hank is in his jeep
Sam's behind the counter (counter)
Hank is in his jeep

Arnold Ziffel steals the show when he's around (he's around)
All your acting talents blow, Arnold Ziffel steals the show

Arnold Ziffel steals the show, his fame is big (fame is big)
Second fiddle to a pig, Arnold Ziffel's fame is big

Hotscakes on the griddle (griddle)
Chickens in your bed
Hotscakes on the griddle (griddle)
Egg yokes on your head