Ooh, crappy cruise
Natural light? Nil – no windows in room
Wild that ‘stateroom’ means twenty decks down
Ooh, crappy, sure - first to drown…

Dislike they lied: read faked brochure while
Agent thought ‘cinch’ - sold me trip with smile
They lost my bags so now I’m in buff
Going around in life preserver sucks

Ooh, crappy cruise
What a shame that ship ran out of food
I got thinner but not by design
When back home, this boat I’ll malign

And now they tell me salmonella scare
I’ll soon be spewing and I start to swear
While I was queasy wife did snatch a fling
With sweaty deckhand; caught them nautic’ling

Ooh, crappy cruise
Quaking, seasick ‘cus wavelets are rude
Going places where cruises don’t go
Ooh, creaky this tub’s a no-no

Ooh-hoo, crappy cruise
Now it seems that they’ve broken the loos
Rumors fly ‘bout the pickle we’re in
Say’n Captain is tipplin’ on gin

Have to say, came as no big surprise
The lifeboats won’t fall but they will freely rise
Skipper at bar was an obvious sign...
Should ring that bell – maybe ‘twenty-nine times’

Ooh, crappy cruise
Won’t survive: I’m inside of my tomb
Starts to sink ‘cus that ice is a berg
Ooh, leaking! The trip is at end!

Ooh, crappy
Not happy
Ooh, scrap heap
I’m crabmeat