Don’t befriend Jack Bauer,
Don’t give him an hour
‘Cause if you do, he’ll take twenty four,
And he’ll just be a bore
Through the end of the day.

I remember when
Jack friends were not entombed, and
He seemed almost human.
Now both day and night, he is awake.
Though he stays energized,
No food does he partake.
And from start to finish,
He gets no bathroom break.
And does this agent shower anymore?

Jack used to have a desire
To die for his country.
But whenever the villains attack,
Ev’ryone dies except Jack.
He just won’t go away.

Does Jack Bauer remember
Promises that he’s made?
Jack tells us to trust him,
He won’t let us die.
But Kim has no mother
And here’s the reason why:
He didn’t know his mistress
Was a double agent spy.
Now you can’t trust Jack Bauer anymore.

If you have one hour,
Re-arrange your sock drawer.
If you have two hours,
Go bar hop with Al Gore.
But if you have thirty,
You might accomplish more.
Just don’t give Jack Bauer twenty four.