You’re grilling shrimp and shad,
don’t skimp and use just a tad—
lots of it will make the flavor burst.
If you want some tasty vittles,
employ not just a little;
some vintage helps things turn out for the best.

Always cook with a shiteload of wine.
Always cook with a wineload divine.

With wine, the line’s the bottom:
you’ve bottles ’cause you bought ’em.
But there’s just one thing about which you should think:
don’t go swilling like a punk,
or you will get drunk.
So use it for cuisine but not to drink!

Always cook not imbibing the wine.
Always cook just applying the wine.

Wine makes you slur your words
and makes your vision blurred.
In your mouth do not be squirting lots o’ rounds.
Forget about poured gin!
Juniper juice is a sin—
a botanical botch, you’ll find, astounds!

Always cook in the right way the meth—
or expire in fire like a turpentine death.

Wine can make food fit,
but do not swill it.
Smoke no dope and stay away from brew.
Just focus on what’s haute
and don’t fill the gravy boat
with a cru you should use in the stew and roux
(or you’ll get stewed and boozed-boo-hoo and rue).

Always cook with a wineload that’s rife.
Change the N to F and you get “wife.”

When you’re fryin’, beer not!

Always cook. . . .

Slurping freely is a no-no!
Always cook. . . .

Stay keen, keep away from the booze.
You will get drunk and blunder,
have an attack and chunder.
What have you lost? Luncheon!

Always cook. . . .