There's a rock star who knows, no fun gettin' so old
Now he's buying a stairlift to heaven

Used to leap to his toes, up to "powder his nose"
Nowadays he forgets what he came for

Ooh, ooh, now he's buying a stairlift to heaven

There's a sign on the wall, "buckle up, or you'll fall
& don't speed or you'll crash through the ceiling"

Rock star life, by the book, now things aren't as they seem
Sometimes all of his thoughts are mistaken

Ooh, it makes you wonder
Ooh, makes you wonder

There's a feeling he gets, when he looks up the stairs
Still his spirit & his mind is willing

In his prime he'd have been, upstairs with two or three
& the faces on those who stand looking!

Ooh, it makes you wonder
Ooh, really makes you wonder

Now he whistles a tune, if you'd call it a tune
Time of life, well, there's no rhyme or reason

A blue pill came along, to help things along
Happy ending, happy ever after

Oh, oh, oh

If there's a bus pass in your pocket, don't be surprised now
Your TV license fee, for you's free

Once there were two paths you could go by, & you went that one
Your joints, hips & knees have gone to pot

& it makes you wonder
Ahh

Your rock star mansion's still a big pull, in case you don't know
She's upstairs calling you to join her

Dear lady, wants to close the window, but she don't know
Your stairlift's been on the blink again

If you could wind it manually
Just a few moments, be wi' thee
There lies a lady with no clothes
She isn't even his betrothed
Why don't things work when they get old?
You gotta kick it very hard
The bloody thing had better start
It's all for one & one for all, yeah
Give it a rock, it's on a roll!

Now he's riding a stairlift to Heaven!