There's a bastard who thinks contraception stinks
And he's planning revenge on society
In the drugs plant he knows, swap the pill for placebos
In nine months he will see what he came for

Woe oh oh oh oh oh
And he's planning revenge on society

On his face there's a smile as he impregnates a coil
With extra strength fertility hormones
Listen well, there's a "snap" as he snips through each cap
His desire is for fertilisation

Woe oh oh oh oh oh
And he's planning revenge on society

There's a feeling of sin as he, wielding a pin
Gives a million condoms injections
And the gleam in his eyes augurs one big surprise
For all those who thought they'd protection

Woe oh oh oh oh oh
And he's planning revenge on society

And it's whispered that soon, if we don't pull out soon
Then the Bastard will laugh at our offspring
In his hand is a note, from his Holiness the Pope
Who approves what the Bastard is doing

If he makes a blunder...
I hope he makes a blunder
If there's a sharp rise in the birth rate
Don't be alarmed now
It's just a sign his plan is working

Yes there are two paths you can go by
If you're pregnant
There's still time for an abortion

Your belly's growing and it won't go in case you don't know
The Bastard's laughing at your anger
Dear lady can't you hear the babe cry and you know why
His revenge comes from maternity

And as we wind on down the road
More babies than we've seen before
There walks the bastard we don't know
Who says that it just goes to show
How revenge is best served cold
And so the next time you get hard
The time for safe sex, it has passed
No fornication here at all
To have a cock and not to roll
Woe oh oh oh oh oh
And he's taken his revenge on society