He wasn't too bright that Christmas Eve night
Rolling Rock beer goggles cover up his eyes
He hit the bong and then he hit your roof
Wrecked Hong Kong chuggin' down all kinds of booze
There's screws loose

(Blown up!)
Irish coffee made him smash your street
(Knocked down!)
Vision's glossy sendin' nasty tweets
You're gonna lose your mind! He destroyed each chimney!

(Dead drunk!)
Whatta dummy with his reindeer fleet!
(We'll frown!)
Whatta rummy! He just thrashed your suite!

Can't fly straight, He cleaned each plate
Cookie crumbs are littered on his bright red coat
Santa stinks! Crushed my home
Hits the bar. Don't you ever wonder how he floats?!

(Threw up!)
Boots are muddy, Once my house was neat!
(Ass-clown!)
Left a puppy who just pooped and peed!

Chugs a glass, Maybe five
Smokes some weed and drunk dials his Ho, Ho, Hos
My childhood's in a nosedive
Snaps some dong pics tied up with some mistletoe
Mind's blown!

(Drains cups!)
Suit gets soggy when his egg nog leaks
(Beer's downed!)
He's so naughty when he moons his cheeks

We're in shock! We Gotta gawk!
Cops just stopped his sled, Lights flashin' right behind
Spends a wad, He'll bribe those jerks!
You'll hear him laugh cause now he's back up in the sky
Yikes!

(He's crunked!)
Things turn nutty when he hits your street

(He stunk!)
This old druggie is so hard to beat!