At some joint in Toledo
A breakfast burrito
With some hash browns piled high on my plate
Had an hour or two
'Fore a job interview
A few miles further upstate
There's a jar on the table
"Death Sauce" on the label
But I didn't know it had gone bad
So my food was soppin'
In ghost pepper toppin'
And boy, did it make my gut mad

As I finished my food up
What my stomach brewed up
Had started to work its way south
With my gut expanding
I find myself standing
A rank belch escaped from my mouth
To the men's room I stumbled
As my lower bowel rumbled
A terrified look on my face
Well I started shakin'
With my innards quakin'
What happened next cleared out that place

You picked a fine time to leave me, loose stool
With my sphincter screeching
Like an angry Nazgul
Three hundred cc's
Of hot liquid feces
In my shorts, just started to pool
You picked a fine time to leave me, loose stool

After it ended
I quickly suspended
All thoughts of that job interview
With my pants full of brown foam
And no time to stop by home
I just bid my chances adieu
By luck I then eyed
A old hobo outside
I paid forty bucks for his jeans
But as I departed
I suddenly sharted
And blew them to brown smithereens

You picked a fine time to leave me, loose stool
I don't enjoy ass pain
(As a general rule)
Uncontrolled crappin'
To me hasn't happened
Since I was a lad in preschool
You picked a fine time to leave me, loose stool