I'm on a treadmill, forget the speed
Seems any second I'll fall off and bleed
Between two guys who look like Hans and Franz
Well, steroids aren't part of my plans

They say it's healthy but it's such a bad time
Staying out of heart rate contests, they should be crimes
Gym's been bad to me so far

Can't get my heart rate past 125
My knee just gave out, not sure I'll drive
If only there were some pill I could take
To replace exercise, one that's not fake

Wish I could stay home, watch TV all day
But everyone knows that's not OK
So I got me a sweatband, but it still ain't enough
So much I have to wipe off the stuff

Lucky I'm sane after all I've been through
(Everybody say, "I'm done", "She's done")
I shouldn't push but sometimes I still do
Gym's been bad to me so far

How many reps can I do? About 4
I still feel like I'll just drop to the floor
It's tough to handle this healthy life plan
They tell me it'll pay off, I'm not sure when

I can't be lazy, so I'm spending my time
(Everybody say, "Oh no," "Oh God")
I keep on goin' guess I'll never know why
Gym's been bad to me so far

(pant pant pant)