Tried to amend my artistic bad habits
Made it through a couple of days
Writin' songs about birds, usin' beautiful words
Thinkin' I could be another Tolkien someday

But at night I'd had these wonderful dreams
Somethin' I thought would be neat
Not Puccini; more Fellini, a vulgar treat
"Bout a big, fat butt on a small toilet seat

Cheap, turd-riddled parodies (parodies)
Heaven on earth "bout a bowel squeeze (parodies)
Not too articulate, no big words, please (parodies)
I write those cheap, turd-riddled parodies

I'm not like an old time author, man
I write the same thing again and again
"Bout stench from the head that could raise the dead
Like what you find scrawled in the men's room at a Holiday Inn

Times have changed for authors these days
When I get bored I write what I need
Not really sonnets, more like vomit soliloquies
But it's my very own creation I wish you'd read

Cheap, turd-riddled parodies (parodies)
Not too articulate, no big words please (parodies)
Heaven on earth "bout a bowel squeeze (parodies)
A bunch of cheap, turd-riddled parodies

I write mine "bout gruntin' in the stable
Havin' to go but, not bein' able
Big splash that tickles on a sore old rear
Well good God Almighty just stay right here for my

Cheap, turd-riddled parodies (parodies)
Makin' a jest of every vulgarity (parodies)
Takes every damn bit of effort from me (parodies)
To write them cheap, turd-riddled parodies
A lot of cheap, turd-riddled parodies
I write them cheap, turd-riddled parodies

I write mine "bout gruntin' in the stable
Havin' to go but, not bein' able
Big splash that tickles on a sore old rear
Well good God Almighty just stay right here for my