[acoustic guitar intro]

Kosher Seder
we need to get some matzo balls
And please remember to get some potato knishes
And now I say, "Oi vai!"
Almost forgot the hors d'oeuvre plate
Sent my husband out to buy some gefilte fishes

Isn't that the way that Seder goes? You overlook some crap
Can be sure his mother will criticize it
She acts appalled as she sits there and gripes
turns up nose
I wish that she'd stay home; her visits here are Hell
She moans and bitches like a witch casting a spell
She does not like my meals; she carps all night long – she squeals

Every Seder since I've been hitched she breaks my balls
My husband's Mother; just sits there and gives me more grief
She does not like the wine; wish that my hubby'd grow a spine
I've had about enough; I will soon start raving

Every Seder this is how it goes; Complaints from that old bat
My dear husband's Mother complains; it grinding
She has some gall; want to tell her my mind
But I don't
I won't step on her toes; I stay inside my shell
I guess it could be worse; she stays at a hotel
If she asked to stay here; I'd have to say "Vai iz mir"
Oi vai, vai iz mir; glad she does not stay here

So next Seder, it seems again I'll hear her squalls
I still don't dare say the things that I want to
To husband I'll gripe; and then point out his yellow stripe
He won't say "L'chaim

Dissin' him that way
Resentment grows
I do not have much tact
He glares and he mumbles
His teeth are grinding
"You're breaking my balls
Go to Hell, bitch"
He whines
Then I go
"Your Mother's an old crone
A witch casting a spell
A bitch that I should curse
And tell off really well"
He said
"Do what you feel"
That knocked me back on my heels

[brief instrumental to end]
{Yes, that sure did, right back on my heels}