Walked into a sports bar
Sometime in July
And 27 sets had baseball showing
To a roomful of hardballin' guys
And they drank their beers and they cheered their cheers
And waited for the final out
'Cause when the ball games end, then the trivia starts
And that's when Spike shows there's no doubt he's got clout, and they say

That he knows who's stolen home base
He knows who has the most strikes
And if you think you've got some baseball knowledge
You just don't stand a chance 'gainst Spike, da do da do

Then on the screen came a message from another bar
It said "I'm looking for a man named Spike
I am a top AmIRighter and I write about Ar-
Wen, and she just calls me Mike
And I'm looking for the king of baseball trivia
To show him he doesn't know a thing
Last week he scored 800, and I kinda wondered
If he'd like to meet me in the ring"
And everybody said Jack, don't you know...

That he knows who broke the most bats
He knows which payrolls were hiked
He's got all the stats running through his head
So you don't stand a chance 'gainst Spike, da do da do

Well a hush fell over the barroom
As everybody listened to the questions read
And when the contest was done
The only points the former champ had were the ones on his pointy head
And he was battered by what just expired
He was debased by the final score
And you better believe we really had a brand new ball game
When Spike walked out the door

And he knows where Rose placed his bets
He knows which steroids Bonds likes
And now that he's just assumed the Mantle
Well, he's quite a Feller, that Mike, da do da do