At Halloween

I learned the truth at Halloween the lull comes just before the screams
for horny teens with clear-skinned smiles who get sexed-up and then expire.
Hacked and flayed with garden tools, the Friday night parade of ghouls,
A candle melting on a skull, at Halloween I learned the rules.
That those pursued by mental cases will trip-up on their own shoelaces
When running through the dark alone and, girlfriend, don't pick up that phone!
Because the slashers always ring to say some creepy Freddy thing
And then it ends in piercing screams at Halloween.
The bug-eyed corpse in cerements and other hungry revenants
Moan , "Give us brainswe need your brains" and other zombie-like refrains.
The slutty, big-boobed hometown tramps with intellects as thin as stamps
Are the sacrificial lambs carved like slow-baked honey hams.
They never seem to think its odd when they find a giant pod,
Or when their dates just disappear and get their throats slit ear-to-ear.
But they'll do their best to look sixteen and maybe even steal a scene
When things go wrong at Halloween.
Those Star-Search-hopeful bitter souls crying out for better roles,
They watch the Oscars at some bar and know they'll never get that far.
And so they'll wade through tons of gore to show us what's behind that door
Which never seems to be as bad as all the nightmares we have had.
But still we pay the ticket price and hope our blood will turn to ice,
Though when the final credits roll we leave with our immortal soul
Undented, new, just like Christine, though once we couldn't watch the screen
When that coed lost her head at Halloween.