I'm going to rent myself a gal in the dark of the city
I'm going to pack some fudge in the evening and it won't be pretty
And when the morning comes at dawn
I'll look around and hope that she has gone
But when the next night rolls around like sin
I'll go out and do it again
No men
Do it again
No men

I want to know what becomes of rump rangers
There's someone for every taste
Some of us will go for honey, some of us want to go to waste
I've been aware of the folks going "bi"
They say in the end it's the brown of an eye
And when the next time I go reamin' in
I'll get up and do it again
Distend

Caught between the cheeks of your love
And the struggle for a spot that's tender
Where you want some more of the old back door
And the place of joy you send her
And the veterans do it with style
Don't ignore that vertical smile
And before you dare go on in -Make sure of the gender
Out into the sleaze of the evening, I'm the rear-ender
And I know that I'll never need
Any extender

Ah, the whimper of the lovers as they work out the kinks
Leaving nothing ever lacking in this world of hijinx
Some glare at the world, between the blinks
While the love can oft be found
Sometimes it stinks

I'm going to find another girl who looks good in a pair of jeans
And we'll drive the Hershey Highway
Till the sun don't shine in dappled streams
And then we'll make the final deal
And give ourselves a few days off to heal
And when the weekend comes around again
I'll get up and find me a friend
Get it up again

I guess I'll always be down in the dumps
And struggle for a spot that's tender
I'll allay my fears, and be in arrears
To the part and the hole that I render
There's a gal for every guy
There's everything that money can buy
Bought true love when I go and upend her
Do you care?
I'm a dar-ing rear-ender
I go and find one young and strong
Only then I bend her