Reviled by style of our speech today,
Why do we say can when we should say may?
But when the phrase don't match what we mean to say,
Why's everyone think that it's okay?
All this talkin' how they blew it, what I knowed,
I seen, can't you leave me be dad.
'Cause everybody talks like me.

You can if you're able, and you may presume,
A boy named Sue, a bad nome de plume.
That's when you're speakin' bad,
It's "he speaks good" you 'best' to be sayin' "well" son.
It's "best" then it's 'better' then good.

Whatchmacallit, hickeymajig,
Will work just the same if you don't know the name.
Can you learn me to golf, now that's quite a game,
Grab that thingamado and then I'll try to train.
Now some talk that way, still understandin' them.
But no, I don't want to talk like them, no
Just ain't a-gonna talk like them.

You can if you're able, and you may presume,
A boy named Sue, a bad nome de plume.
That's when you're speakin' bad,
It's "he speaks good" you 'best' to be sayin' "well" son.
It's "best" then it's 'better' then good.

Well they best get to college 'til they learn to say,
Just when to use 'can' and when to use 'may'.
First you learn to talk and then you learn to spell,
Just done took the course so you'll learnt it well.
They come outta college with all these fine degrees,
Dictionlaters jeez-u-wiz, Louise.

You can if you're able, and you may presume,
A boy named Sue, a bad nome de plume.
That's when you're speakin' bad,
It's "he speaks good" you 'best' to be sayin' "well" son.
It's "best" then it's 'better' then good.

I get so tired , hearin' language this way,
Our coffers 'rupt we still hear 'em say.
What they puttin' into these kids minds,
They're usin' 'irregardless' almost all the time.
They got a cap and tassel but can't tell whom from who,
It be sure nice talking not so bad,
It be sure nice cuttin' the chew.

But they're still dumb as a stone; I'd prefer to see,
That they'd just talk like me,
Oh please just talk like me.

You can if you're able, and you may presume,
A boy named Sue, a bad nome de plume.
That's when you're speakin' bad,
It's "he speaks good" you 'best' to be sayin' "well" son.
It's "best" then it's 'better' then good.