If you're lyin' on your back and fully undressed
And the moon's down; the sun's halfway to the west.
Sun-drowned, you better beware
Or your hide might look like old tanned-leather chair.
Sun-browned, you better take care
Or your hide might wrinkle like sack for a pair.

You'll be looking like bad dream if you don't sunscreen;
Later, off your skin will flay, and you'll really scream.
Sunshine, I'm here to explain,
If you let it redden you, you'll be feelin' pain.
Sunshine is nothing like rain;
If you let it redden you, you'll seek Solarcaine.

Think "Joan Rivers" if at noon you go out to bake;
Yes, you'll look like this woman without derm that's fake.
Sun-drowned, you better beware
'cause your driver's license says your hide is "fair."
Sun-browned, you'll wrinkle your skin,
With your youthful looks losin', then you'll start boozin' gin.

Wait until high noon has passed if you've Danish genes
Or North Euro ancestry, where sun's rarely seen.
Sunshine is not your domain;
You'll get red and be peelin' and sqealin' in pain.
Sundown is when you should bare
Your fair flesh that's bleachin' since Pleistocene Er'.

Sun-drowned, you better beware:
Sturgeon-dermed, you're searchin' for surgeon of Cher.
Gulp down something for the pain. . .
Feeling better on juice made from what grows in sun: grain.