The legend lives on from Pottawottamie down
of the State with the 99 Counties.
And every four years bringing hopes and some fears
politicians are looking for bounties!

With that load of bullcrap, over 3 million lap
up all of that quadrennial attention.
Then for three years and more, they might feel really sore
'cause what other times do they get mentioned?

The pols go and fly to Mississippi's west side.
(That's the River, not State of Magnolia.)
And every man knew, as the candidates did, too
that they'd come and try to pigeon-hole ya!

Concluding the terms of the Presidents so firm
heading toward the November election.
The votes that they take, they can make or they'll break
rides of gales to November's selection!

They once announced late, but now can't seem to wait
not for New Year, much less the Convention.
Some nearly two years make announcement, we sneer
and that's not just some anal-retention!

The news networks come with their tattletale sound
and they broadcast for twenty-four hours.
"Debates," they were called, but they left us appalled.
Some of us even said we need showers!

The issues discussed left us feeling concussed
and they changed rather quick, even weekly.
And then it gets bad, with the negative ads
pulled stunts very nasty, quite sneakily!

This time, none of that from my pals Democrat
‘cause this time, they have got the incumbent.
So the Republicans flog their idiot stance
that we need us some limited gov’ment!

Does anyone know where the love of God goes
when for evangelicals they’re stumping?
Santorum did well, but not “Iowa’s” Michelle:
On her keister, the Hawkeyes were dumping!

She since did give up as her campaign capsized
between rivers Mississipp’ and Missouri.
And every man knew, as her husband did, too
he’s gayer than the father of Suri!

Rick Perry struck out, but he thinks he’ll have clout
if in South Carolina, he makes it.
But there’s no evidence of his intelligence
and I don’t think it works when he fakes it!

And farther below, Ron Paul thinks he can grow
with young people as his right-on marksmen.
But when they have learned their legal-pot dream’s been burned
he’ll have none left except Kelly Clarkson!

In a musty old hall in Des Moines, Romney crowed
making eight-vote win sound very raucous.
But he’s looking real dumb against Rick Santorum
in this wreck of an Iowa Caucus!

The legend lives on as Republican clowns
head to State which, like their heads, is Granite.
Republicans, it’s said, don’t care if we are dead.
And I wonder, are they from this planet?