A title like this - might be leading you amiss
For it's not about two Irish lovers.
This song's about clothes - not what you would suppose,
As the reader of this soon discovers.

Back in old Dublin town - the best outfitters around
Were a pair of magnificent tailors.
So you stupid blokes - stop with your dirty jokes,
For you won't hear the line "Hello Sailors!"

Each had specialty - and each labored tirelessly
As to each lofty challenge they faced up.
Patrick worked down below - the one place that he'd go,
And our Gerald just worked from the waist up.

The young Gerald Finn - always knew where to begin
When he started his fine fabric cuttin'.
His lovely silk shirts - could never give hurts,
'Cause he used pearl or bone for each button.

His form-fitting vest - was the absolute best,
Great effort to each he would de-vote.
And finest of all - whether for short or tall -
Was his unrivaled jacket or dress coat.

Elsewhere in town - Patrick Riley worked waist down,
And his fine belts no one could diminish.
He made better pants - then they made in France,
And each cuff had a marvelous finish.

Between shots of booze - he made elegant shoes
From the finest of imported leather.
For socks he had made - your dear grandma you'd trade,
For his wool was as light as a feather.

They tell it in rhyme - when they met for the first time,
Neither stooped to that childish competing.
For from the first view - both our clothing heroes knew
That the other each one was completing.

And so from that day - as the stories all say
In the voice of an angelic herald,
Above and below - they were now a du-o!
Gerald fits Patrick - Patrick fits Gerald!

Do people still go - to shops on Saville Row?
In the Paris boutiques are they chattin'?
Is there still a line - to go see Finkelstine
In his shop down in Lower Manhatten?

Most folks today - buy clothes at Tar-zhay*
And at Wal-Mart you'll always see many.
The folks up in years - will still prefer Sears
If and when they can't find J.C. Penny.

To save on the bill - folks shop at Goodwill.
All the thrift stores are packed - it's no mystery.
The small tailor shop - like the friendly Irish cop
Is now largely part of our history.

But observe if you will - folks of great skill
Will not die off or go out of being,
In making a suit - or a loud trombone toot
Or in finding songs for par-o-dy-ing.

My story now ends - of those two good Irish friends,
For their talents were quite double-barreled.
A dirty punch line - that I made to end fine,
Gerald fits Patrick - Patrick fits Gerald!