The adverts go on 'bout a shop outside town
With "Computers at internet prices"
You can buy their PCs, printers and DVDs
And their "experts" can give you advices
But first time I spoke to their expert..ish bloke
Some Neanderthal just out of stasis
And he so loved the jargon it gave him a hard-on
But he used it in all the wrong places

[I] think his social skills would increase were he killed
What he mumbled, well I barely caught it
Forté, seemed to me: talking (ess aitch) IT
But it seems that his managers bought it
Can't believe that this whelp - he was offering help
And I'd pay now for aid in the future
But I don't believe he could fix a cup of tea
Let alone an old Linux computer

But though I took the piss, and this guy took the bis-
Cuit, with an act that was dog-in-the-manger
Had to stifle a groan - this guy was not alone
For his colleagues were.. shit! even stranger
The girl that he called was less than four feet tall
And was two slices short of a sandwich
I could not help but curse as they both would converse
In an unintelligibabble language

She was kind of weird with her moustache and beard
But she must have had some rare ability
With disks floppy or hard, or plug-in PC cards
Which she handled with awesome dextirity
Yet I nearly dropped dead when I heard what she said
And I thought her behaviour insidious
For it seems she took risks scanning customer disks
And "backing up" all of their videous

Then she'd think it was fine then to post 'em on-line
Well, at least the ones she thought were sexier
A youtube wife's disgrace: hubby red in the face
Underneath some lass with anorexia
Oh, yes, they got their kicks from a-publishing pix
That they'd copied from drives they were mending
Yes, you see all the time lots of porno on-line
...She got bail, but the court case is pending

Yet it turns out that she in some kind of a plea
Told the cops of some movies, illegal
They had found while they trawled... they were oh, so appalled
I mean, who could do *THAT* to a seagull?
And many a cust-omer has found their trust
Being betrayed to these nassty young techies
For they don't care at all they made governments fall
When they got hold of Thabo Mbeki's

These technical souls, talking, looking like trolls
Cause such increase in internet traffic
For the way that they work, yes they think it's a perk
Searching hard drives for pix, pornographic

The ads that you've seen on your big plasma screen
Make 'em sound like the best in the free world
But, consider the risk before you take your disk
To the Techies of P-bloody-C World