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Song Parodies -> "I Will Survive"
Original Song Title:
"I Will Survive"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Gloria Gaynor
Parody Song Title:
"I Will Survive"
Parody Written by:
Phil Alexander
The Lyrics
This is a sort of dedication to a friend, one of those I-did-it-so-can-you health freak nazis who seem to think that just because they lost twenty kilos, you not just can but must do it too...
At first I was obese
(A) mass of cellulite
Kept thinkin' I could never have an ass that's nice and tight
But then I spend so many hours
Pumping iron at the gym
And I grew slim
And now my butt is tight and trim
And now you're fat, you take up space
I just walked in to find you here stuffing doughnuts in your face
I should have known that you would mock
Knowing how you take the pee
But it really doesn't matter as you're fatter now than me
Chorus:
Go on now, go
Squeeze out the door
Just wobble round now
'Cause you take up too much floor
Weren't you the one who tried to tempt me into to try-
-ing apple crumble
Or Mom's good ol' Apple Pie
Oh no, not I, I will survive
I'll cut down my cholesterol, keep taking exercise
I've got all my life to think
That I've got all my waist to shrink and I'll survive,
I will survive
hey hey.
It took all the strength I had not to pig out again
Kept trying' hard to see those cakes and to abstain
And I spent oh so many days
Just cooking low fat tasteless sh*t, I had to eat
So many tons of bran and wheat
And you see me somebody new
I'm not that overweight big person who puts cream in every stew
And so you felt like droppin' in
Thought my diet's fallen through
But I guess that I'm the winner 'cause I'm thinner now than you
Chorus x2
At first I was obese
I was overweight
I had a seafood diet: everything I saw I ate
But then I spent so many days
Chucking food into the bin
And I grew thin
I learned how eating's not a sin
But you're still fat, you're a disgrace
I can feel the floor a-tremble as you walk around the place
Now it makes me want to chuck
As you eat your seventh course
But I know I'll live longer, my heart's stronger now than yours
Chorus
It took all the strength I had to drag you out the door
And you left a trail of blubber all across my floor
And I felt oh so much relief
As I tipped you down the stairs, I watched you fall
And go squelch down in the hall
Now the Police are on my trail
I can see the blue lights flashing and I hear the sirens wail
Now the cops are coming in
I guess I'll have to cop a plea
Though I'll try to put the boot in him who's prosecutin' me
Chorus (part 2):
Go on now, go
Just lock the door
I've been on death row now
Since 1944
Weren't you the one who said that I was gonna fry
Do you think I'd crumble
Do you think I'd sit down and die
Oh no, not I, I will survive
And my twenty-ninth appeal's gonna get me out alive
I've spent all my life inside
But at least I haven't died and I'll survive,
I will survive
Chorus x2
(A) mass of cellulite
Kept thinkin' I could never have an ass that's nice and tight
But then I spend so many hours
Pumping iron at the gym
And I grew slim
And now my butt is tight and trim
And now you're fat, you take up space
I just walked in to find you here stuffing doughnuts in your face
I should have known that you would mock
Knowing how you take the pee
But it really doesn't matter as you're fatter now than me
Chorus:
Go on now, go
Squeeze out the door
Just wobble round now
'Cause you take up too much floor
Weren't you the one who tried to tempt me into to try-
-ing apple crumble
Or Mom's good ol' Apple Pie
Oh no, not I, I will survive
I'll cut down my cholesterol, keep taking exercise
I've got all my life to think
That I've got all my waist to shrink and I'll survive,
I will survive
hey hey.
It took all the strength I had not to pig out again
Kept trying' hard to see those cakes and to abstain
And I spent oh so many days
Just cooking low fat tasteless sh*t, I had to eat
So many tons of bran and wheat
And you see me somebody new
I'm not that overweight big person who puts cream in every stew
And so you felt like droppin' in
Thought my diet's fallen through
But I guess that I'm the winner 'cause I'm thinner now than you
Chorus x2
At first I was obese
I was overweight
I had a seafood diet: everything I saw I ate
But then I spent so many days
Chucking food into the bin
And I grew thin
I learned how eating's not a sin
But you're still fat, you're a disgrace
I can feel the floor a-tremble as you walk around the place
Now it makes me want to chuck
As you eat your seventh course
But I know I'll live longer, my heart's stronger now than yours
Chorus
It took all the strength I had to drag you out the door
And you left a trail of blubber all across my floor
And I felt oh so much relief
As I tipped you down the stairs, I watched you fall
And go squelch down in the hall
Now the Police are on my trail
I can see the blue lights flashing and I hear the sirens wail
Now the cops are coming in
I guess I'll have to cop a plea
Though I'll try to put the boot in him who's prosecutin' me
Chorus (part 2):
Go on now, go
Just lock the door
I've been on death row now
Since 1944
Weren't you the one who said that I was gonna fry
Do you think I'd crumble
Do you think I'd sit down and die
Oh no, not I, I will survive
And my twenty-ninth appeal's gonna get me out alive
I've spent all my life inside
But at least I haven't died and I'll survive,
I will survive
Chorus x2
hmmm.... think I kind of lost it towards the end:-)
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 4 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 2 | 1 | 2 | 1 | ||||||||
| 3 | 5 | 6 | 3 | ||||||||
| 4 | 27 | 10 | 22 | ||||||||
| 5 | 47 | 65 | 57 |
User Comments
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Just newbees surfing through the older stuff and loved this one Phil and just had to comment on the creative insite on this one. Fantastic!
Thanks... odd seeing a comment to this one after all this time ;-) That reminds me, I must get round to recording this one.
Damn good job
Fantastic parody
Thanks, Martha - say, how did you come across this one (it being in the unusual position of having more than ten votes per comment)?
Love it!
Ooops, I believed IWS was a 80s song...and sent a parody in right now...this means they won't accept it?
They'll accept it, but you might get some anal-retentive smart-alec pointing out your mistake... just ignore 'em, like I do :-)
The "anal retentive smart alek" happens to be a very wise person, I'm sure.
Most surprising that you don't sound a whole lot like Gloria Gaynor. =) Great recording and parody, Phil: I laughed out loud at "Just cooking low fat tasteless sh*t, I had to eat." Also kudos for catching the internal rhymes of "matter/fattter", "winner/thinner", "longer/stronger" and "boot in/prosecutin'". I will vote 5s.
Thanks Jack. Equally surprising is that I don't look a lot like Gloria Gaynor, either ;-)
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