The dog needed to go for a couple of hours ,
he covered the carpet with a layer of shit.
Smeared all over his thigh ,
then his whining had stopped.
Not hard to clean ,
but boy did it smell.

Diaper on the dog ,
don't know how we'll get it on.
Nasty , oh nasty , it's on us.

In the bathroom , on the shelf.
Folded , pressed in a file they were.
So we took one half open ,
and fell off the seat.
The cleaning up weirdo's ,
with shit on our feet.

Diaper on the dog ,
let's see if we can get it on.
Padding! It's soaking , it's soaking!

See the dog's ass lifted up ,
he's got shit covered up to his head.
Who fed him some Chinese food ,
that could not be good?
So we need to lift up his legs.
Wipe him fine , smell his behind.

Nasty , we've got to go!
There is the throw-up , all puked up.
He's gonna mess , if you start to walk away.
One whiff of this funky dog shit ,
there you smell the shit , across your eyes.

My knee's are weak , cuz' it started to smear ,
that glorious wiping , that I started to fear.
So I hope I get through the rest of the day.
They're headed for Wal-Mart , to make an excuse and say...

''Diapers for our dog ,
well I can't tell you how we got this far.''
Hurry! I'm waiting , I'm waiting.

( Instrumental Break : During this part of the musical session ,
the narrator sits with his arm saturated with ungodly feces.
Meanwhile , thy rolicking band of traveling friends return from
thou supply fortress , ''Wal-Mart'' , with a handful of diaper
packiging...let us press forward to see how our hero's will
remedy this illuminous situation. )

Time to go home now ,
Going to need to clean.
To clean the best now...
in a house of streams.

Gagging from the frontside ,
falling to my knee's.
The shit is spraying ,
Spuing as I wheeze.

( Merry little medieval tune is played )

I'm fighting crap-ity falling ,
I hope I don't get it on me.
Some piss streams , now I'm bawling.
My face squirms , eyes are burning....

( Screams from the piss that is thou narrator's eyes )
( Heavy guitar comes in )

Nasty , you've got to come!
See the diapers flying by ,
Help me now , please Lord!
There's diaherra on me today ,
and once again I stand alone.

( 12 String guitars focus back to the original tune )

I'll bury these memories ,
with help from my friends.
Clean all off the smeary doo doo.
While this story is crazy ,
the legend is true.
Won't do this again ,
hope this is the end...

Diaper on the dog ,
can't believe we got that far.
I promise , this won't happen , again!
NASTY!!!

( Weird Scynthesizer sounds are played by the keyboard
which then fade out )

Fancy Pants English Person - ''So that
was the whimsical tale of the
three jackass friends , and their shit-ing
canine.
What was the morale?
We're the characters real?
Did the event actually happen?

( scoffs ) Why ask me ,
I'm just a fancy pants english person?''

( Walks away , curtains close )