When I was in English, one student was hell—
In bar of bombast, he controlled the well,
And everyone would start to cringe when he would speak—
Of talk there was no dearth, ’cause he’s a rhetoric geek.

Sometime arguments were circular, deadly thick. . .
Mouth opened—out came rhetoric.
And if there’s one thing lower than a slide-rule freak,
It’s a shit-bleating, tongue-wagging rhetoric geek.

He had a tongue prehensile wiggling in his head;
Just an up-piped keener, inducing much dread;
Was a lug who’d quit talkin’ if you broke his beak,
Otherwise he’d not quit speaking, rhetoric geek.

Rhetoric geek, fixin’ to speak,
Induced in me dread. . .mouth a ceaseless word creek.
Wished he was banned from the class each week. . .
Nothing but a rhetoric geek.

Oh, this geek was poppin’ off, never shut down;
He just wouldn’t desist. . .like a spring always wound.
Dude was more than I could take, so hyperlinguistic;
This creep made me nigh visc’rally sick.

Each day he’d not shut up. . .masturbate
Verbally; word jerking wouldn’t abate.
Stewed? Not the geek—didn’t drink. . .as if he were fed
Meth for his breakfast and coke-oven-baked bread.

Rhetoric geek, fixin’ to speak—
What spewed from his head was a ceaseless word creek.
Wished he was banned from the class, that freak. . .
Nothing but a rhetoric geek.

Well late one night, we grabbed him and got him bound;
Around his mouth, yards of duct tape were wound.
Then, after we had him all taped up and trussed,
We packed and put in on a Chile-bound bus.

Rhetoric geek, reachin’ the peaks
Of Andes, box-bound, unable to speak.
He’s been missing a couple of weeks.
What became of rhetoric geek?
(Rhetorical question—quite weak).

Well, once that geek was a high-flown doyen,
But now with Dons and Doñas he’s spendin’ time.
If he learns Spanish, it’s hard times for the

Señoras
Y señors
Hermanos
Hermanas
Muchachos
Muchachas
Los perros
Los gatos
Abuelos
Abuelas
When they encounter
El pazguato retórico. . .
Rhetoric geek.