I Got Struck By Lightning In The Rain, Dear
never thought it would happen to me
gotta say, I'm still feeling a current
afraid I'll fry my peener, when I pee

headed out to buy some eggnog
in the middle of a storm
got zapped so hard, you'd see my skel'ton!
such burning pain, I wished I was never born!

when I woke up on that sidewalk
lots of smoke, I hacked and hacked
for a second, thought I was dead!
I said "screw the eggnog!" and just doubled-back!

I Got Struck By Lightning In The Rain, Dear
guess you could say I got really peeved!
you would think that I was made of metal
it happened, but I'm still in disbelief

now I think I'll drive and not walk
still jittery, don't feel well
people I touch are in for shock!
don't believe me? ask the boobs of cousin mel...

it's not Christmas without eggnog
but my skin's still charred gray/black
and now, if I should hear thunder
I'm afraid I'm gonna have a heart attack!
(heart attack!)

I Got Struck By Lightning In The Rain, Dear
layers and layers of skin peel off with ease
don't think I can pick fam up at airport
just tell 'em I've got some reindeer disease

now my goose is cooked, this Christmas
'cause a storm's starting to brew (screams)
and you give me 12 shopping lists
and the car had just broke down earlier, too!

I've warned all my friends & neighbors
better wrap up, shield your bods!
wear some rubber boots, gloves, trenchcoats
to deflect a lightning strike, despite the odds

I Got Struck By Lightning In The Rain, Dear
felt like massive sunburn, all that week
and it still hurts to sit down on the crapper
because the first thing struck was my right cheek

darn you, eggnog!
I Got Struck By Lightning In The Rain, Dear
certain spots that got hit then still sting
felt like a human electric socket
the clothes I wore that day have static cling!

Painful Christmas...