A llong, long time ago
I can still remember
How that towel used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my way
I could dry off in just one day
And maybe I'd feel a bit less vile

But dampness made me shudder
With every attempt to towel off the water
Bad news on the bathroom floor
I couldn't dry myself anymore

So bye-bye, my towel won't dry
Took it to the dryer, gave it a try
But the dampness just won't say goodbye
Singin', "This towel will never dry, oh my
This towel will never dry"

Did you write the book of laundry lore?
And do you believe in towels anymore?
If the sun tells you so
Now do you believe in bathroom cheer?
Can a fluffy towel dry a single tear?
And can you teach me how to conquer this woe?

Well, I know that you're in love with dryness
'Cause I saw you wiping off your wetness
You threw away those soggy cloths
Man, you found a towel that's a doth!

Singin', "Bye-bye, my towel won't dry
Took it to the dryer, gave it a try
But the dampness just won't say goodbye
Singin', "This towel will never dry, oh my
This towel will never dry"

Now for years, I've been searching high and low
For a towel that'll dry me, don't you know?
But it seems like a lost cause

When the sun comes out and shines so bright
I hope it'll lend its warmth and light
And finally dry my towel's flaws

Oh, and while the rain keeps pouring down
I'm stuck with a towel that makes me frown
The bathroom's turned to a lake
But still, I hope for dryness' sake

And while the clouds hide the sunny beams
I'm left with a towel that's soaked, it seems
But I'll keep trying, don't you cry
Hoping this towel will someday be dry

Helter skelter in a bathroom's shelter
My towel's soaked, and I'm feeling helter-skelter
It's never dry, it's always wet
I squeeze it out, but no luck yet
No matter how hard I try, I fret
With a towel that's become my biggest threat

Now the bathroom mirror's all fogged up
And I'm feeling like I've had enough
But I'll keep on searching high and low
For a towel that'll finally help me grow

'Cause my towel won't dry, oh my
I've tried everything, I can't deny
But the dampness just won't say goodbye
Singin', "This towel will never dry, oh my
This towel will never dry"

I started singin', "Bye-bye, my towel won't dry
Took it to the dryer, gave it a try
But the dampness just won't say goodbye
Singin', "This towel will never dry, oh my
This towel will never dry"