Not so long ago
And I can still remember how "Apprentice" used to make me gag
And I knew if I had your wealth
That I'd restore my hair to health
And maybe entertain my friends in drag

Last June you rode your escalator
And all the pundits thought you'd crater
Gaffes, flip-flops, and more gaffes
And weirder stuff from your staff

When Lewandoski grabbed her arm
And left bruises, it set off alarms
Somehow you retained your charm
Today, you're yuuge, big guy

Hate, hate makes America great
Build a wall and keep the Muslims out of every state
And we'll waterboard, electrocute and castrate
Till we find another group we can hate
That'll make America great

Did you write "Art of the Deal"
And do you have sexy hair appeal?
Did Melania tell you so?

And do you believe your name is gold
You rent it, then casinos fold and
Did your shirts and steaks and ties
Get sold?

Now I know that you're worth major bucks
So why's every venture gone bankrupt?
The tax you paid was nil--
You could've pay off Hillary's bill, still!

You were a pouty spray tanned mogul's son
With a swimsuit model and an onion bun
And your new life had just begun
Today, you're yuuuge, big guy

And now we're singing

Hate, hate makes America great
Build a wall and keep the Muslims out of every state
And we'll waterboard and tase their balls and castrate
Till we find another group we can hate
That'll make America great

Now for six years you had one hit show
Later caused those celebrity heads to roll
But that's not free publicity

When the candidates numbered seventeen
You were brash, outspoken, downright mean
And you voiced insane misogyny

Then as the field was narrowed down
Chris Christie threw his weight around
Ben Doctor never learned--
Fiorina lost her turn!

And while Megyn Kelly's eyes burned red
You never took back what you said
You just doubled down, full speed ahead
'Cuz hey, you're yuuuuge, big guy

Now we're singing

Hate, hate makes America great
Let's find out how many women we can alienate
And they'll roll their eyes as they pre-menstruate
We'll check off another group we can hate
That'll make America great

Raucous caucus, didn't really shock us
The Huffin' Post had a chance to mock us
SNL chalked up some laughs

The frantic crowds had your back
Protesters cried, talkin' major smack
But a right hook from the blindside laid 'em flat

Well, you got mad props from David Duke, that
White supremacist head kook
You claimed you'd never met--
So easy to forget!

When the marchers got punched to their knees
The punchers became arrestees
They knew you'd pay their legal fees
'Cuz hey, you're yuuuuge, big guy

They were singing

Hate, hate makes America great
Build a wall and keep the Mexicans from picking our grapes
Although some are nice, they're bringing drugs and they rape
Now let's find another group we can hate!
That'll make America great!

Now we're left with three candidates
We've had enough Faux News debates
And your poll numbers seem to swell

So come on, Cruz and Kasich, take your licks
Marco, go fixate on your dick, 'cause
Sucking is what losers do so well

Well, the system's rigged with party rules, while
Delegates get played for fools
GOP superPAC's--
None ever gave you jack!

And while Prince Reebus tried to maintain calm
And Cleveland braced for guns and bombs
You crowned yourself the king at high school prom
'Cuz hey, you're yuuuuuuge, big guy

And we're singing

Hate, hate makes America great
Build a wall and keep the refugees from praying prostrate
And we'll throw reforms up so they can't immigrate
Till we find another group we can hate
That'll make America great

I met a girl from Black Lives Matter
And I threw some Trump-y Trump quotes at her
But she just flipped me double birds

I went down to the synagogue
Where my rabbi called you demagogue
Who can't comprehend the impact of his words

Twitter, Facebook and BuzzFeed
All document your power and greed
But Indiana's spoken
The Lincoln Party's broken

And the three men I admire most
The Holy Pope and both the Kochs
Just shook their heads, saying, "Holy smokes!"
But hey, you're yuuuuuuuge, big guy

But hate, hate makes America great
With the Donald as the President there'll be no debate
And we'll target families of Islamic State
Surely that'll make America great