A long, long time ago
Few can still remember back when
Game shows were not yet in style
But many of us, well we can't
Remember back to that event
Bad acting in soundproof booths
Man those producers were real goofs
I don't know why they even tried
To pull the wool over our eyes
And why take the country for a ride
And let the quiz shows... die

Oh, why, why give answers to this guy
His name's Van Doren and he's soarin'
Like an eagle would fly
And to honest game shows we can say goodbye
I think this will be the day that they die
This will be the day that they die

The first episode of 21
was really dumb cuz no one one
And Jack wanted one to

Oh, and they decided to give so
Much information to players, though
It was all actors in this poor show

Well, when Herbert Stempel wanted to start
They decided he would would play the part
It may sound absurd
But they made him look like a nerd

He was a twentysomething married dude
With a couple kids and a bad hairdo
But no one knew what he would do
And let the quiz shows die

And now I'm singin:

Why, why give answers to this guy
His name is Stempel and his temples
Are sweating like a sty
And to honest game shows we can say goodbye
I think this will be the day that they die
This will be the day that they die

Now for 10 games, he just racked up dough
He answered questions 'bout Rocks and Stones
But it didn't last that way too long

When Dan Enright met the poet's son
He talked to Barry 'bout this new one
That his looks were great for 21

Oh, and Charlie wanted to play
Tic Tac Dough, but they said nay
The meeting was adjourned
As his stomach churned

Oh, and while Charlie read a book on bees
Stempel was told to miss Marty
A question bout his favorite movie
And let the quiz shows die.
He started singing...

Why, why give answers to this guy
His name's Van Doren and he's soarin'
Like an eagle would fly
And to honest game shows we can say goodbye
I think this will be the day that they die
This will be the day that they die

Tie game, tie game, this is getting old fast
It got to two grand a point at last
Herbert Stempel was falling fast

They wanted Herb to lose some cash
And Charlie to become the new champ
With Dan Enright, on the sidelines, while he laughed

At the half-way point, Charlie was down
But Enright knew that he would crown
A new champion that night
Oh, don’t let Stempel get it right

But Herb Stempel was thinking about
Going down the other route
But that would make Dan Enright pout
He let the quiz shows die
And he was singing…

Why, why give answers to this guy
His name's Van Doren and he's soarin'
Like an eagle would fly
And to honest game shows we can say goodbye
I think this will be the day that they die
This will be the day that they die

And there they were all on the stage
Barry, Stempel, and the pretty face
But they had not tied again

So why did
Stempel miss it why’d he quit
It’s like sitting on a candlestick
Cause Van Doren is the new champion

And as the came out on stage
Stempel lost twenty grand to his name
No one could really tell
That they were under Barry’s spell

And as Charlie racked cash up through the weeks
And made his oppponents look week
Few saw Stempel crying, why’d the geek
Let the quiz shows die…
And he was singing:

Why, why give answers to this guy
His name's Van Doren and he's soarin'
Like an eagle would fly
And to honest game shows we can say goodbye
I think this will be the day that they die
This will be the day that they die

(music slows down)

Vivian Nearing was the end for Chuck
Barry thought Charlie was out of luck
So he took his dough and walked away

Herb went down to a near courtroom
And ended the scandal in a boom
And the judge there took away Charlie’s cash

But on tv, Mark Goodson thrived
B and E shows were no longer alive
But not a word was spoken
Cause Herb Stempel was broken

And the game shows we admire most
Started soon with great hosts
B and E was temporarily toast
They let the quiz shows die
And they were singin:

Why, why give answers to this guy
His name's Van Doren and he's soarin'
Like an eagle would fly
And to honest game shows we can say goodbye
I think this will be the day that they die
This will be the day that they die