Two hundred pounds ago
It was late November
when that turkey filled me for awhile
That food had put me in a trance
to the next course I would advance
and, after, I'd eat pizza stacked in piles

But all that salad made me quiver
I'd rather eat pork chops than liver
I just had a misstep
My house fell down from that step

I don't care if it's baked or fried
Even Grilled Cheese, I'll open wide
I'm not obese please stuff inside
My crack's the great divide

Put fries in this big Gluttonous Guy
I'm too heavy for the Chevy
'Cause of my big ol thighs
And Ms Oprah Whinfrey's thinkin' I'm gonna die
Sayin’, "please do not eat any more pie"
"please do not eat any more pie."

I love chocolate turtle doves
And what Jenny Craig deprives me of
She said go get lipo.
I don't believe in self control
I'm not that fat, I am just whole
And late at night my belly moans real low

Well, I know that I'll never be thin
'cause I have no interest in gettin' trim
My gut is rather huge
Oh, I'll eat a buffet or two

I ordered fried rice with a side of duck
but my gosh I think it was freshly plucked
'Cause as I ate I heard a cluck
Oh well, at least they tried

Now my mom's singing
"My-My, my son's diet's a fright."
Ate a bevy, now he's heavy
and I hope he don't die
I tried to save him but he wouldn't eat light
saying , "I prefer my chicken deep fried."
"I prefer my chicken deep fried."

Now I can't get out of my home
And roaches scatter when I start to moan
But they're kinda cute the way they flee
I've got may'naise on my home made jeans
Still growing larger from my fat cuisine
And my dad says I eat like a machine

Oh, by now my story's world renowned
and I'll never live the news cast down
I was really quite concerned
I'd die soon they had learned
And while I'd eat all of Noah's ark
or even a big killer shark
And I'm used to all the bad remarks
I do not want to die

News was saying
"Big sized, Waist as big as ten guys."
He's too heavy for his chevy,
and he grows every night.
This big ol' lard is making his mommy cry
Saying "Soon he could be dead where he lies"
"Soon he could be dead where he lies."

Concur monsieur melt my weight sir
Save me now before I falter
Eight days and weight is melting fast
I'm still gettin' quite harassed
When people pass my big huge @$$
My belly it still measures as quite vast

Although it seemed the end of gloom
Wouldn't be long before I'd balloon
It took just one glance
Oh, I ate soon as I had the chance
It's then I think that I revealed
It's lovely grease to which I can't yield
I guess my fate is surely sealed
I still have a huge hide

Oh yeah we're singin
"Dang, guy, won't you put down the fires."
Got a belly looks like jelly,
and you've gotta know why.
Your mommy dearest is scared for your life
prayin’, "this’ll be the diet he tries.
"this’ll be the diet he tries."

Oh, and I really have no grace
When I am stuffing food in my face
With no thought I start stuffing
So come on: give me pancakes, make 'em thick
And please no spinach it makes me sick
and do you have syrup to lend

Oh, and you saw me when I engaged
I ate like a tiger locked in a cage
I love the fresh meat smell
It means it tastes real swell
And though I prefer wheat to white
To took exception to take a bite
a Subway sandwich stacked double high
Well hey, at least, I tried

I'm still singing
"why why am I addicted to pie."
Like the deli's tortellini
and chili on the side
Them pizza boys just love my tips every night
Singing, "this is gonna pay for my ride.
"this is gonna pay for my ride"

I really don't have an excuse
I have been banned from every zoo
But I swear I was only gonna play
Ate a lion and heard him roar
He's a delicacy that's for sure
But then the poachers told me go away

And in the night I eat Ice Cream
Then some chips, and Taco Supreme
My mom was outspoken
The pants are ripped and broken
And all my friends thought I was gross
They left me fast, and took my toast
They said I do not need no pork roast
They say that soon I'll die

And all are singing
"My My, boy we hope you don't die"
Give him cherries and some berries
But no jelly or fries
And them friends of mine were tryin' to save my life
hopin' , "that'll fight my hunger this time'
"try to fight my hunger this time."

Now I'm singing
"bye-bye, to my over sized fries"
Lost my belly full of jelly
getting starved every night
Turns out all my friends and mommy were right
Saying, "I can be happy without pie."