So many nights I fill up on kim chee -
Wait for my rectum to fire a shot.
Such flatulence I keep deep inside me -
Alone in the dark with a lighter that's hot.

I can't light a fart.
I'm such a dope -
You put me on.
I wasted my days -
Tried to ignite gas bongs.

Roiling around, my guts are in motion -
Will this be finally the breath of death?
I tried to be a human flame thrower -
Have i been conned by some urban myth?

You can't light a fart.
That's just a joke,
And a put on.
It's old as the hills,
And as old as this song.

You can't light a fart.
Try this at home -
To prove you're right.
They'll think you are nuts,
And call the men in white.

You must be wrong -
"Cause it doesn't light.
No - o,
No fart will light.