All alone, I found in that herd—
Prettiest mare I've ever seen.
Right then I gave my word:
I'm gonna hitch that horse, that's my plan.
But before that, I'll compose the banns*.

Well, I got a bony ridge when I saw this chestnut mare:
Her flanks were rippling and sleek.
I caught a glimpse and right then became a hippophile.
Makin' me squeal—what a fine equine lady!
So I cantered over real close to her
And gandered at that mane of fine hair.
So I snuck up to her nice and easy
And I got my rope out—
Also my lasso—
And it hung in the air.

I'm gonna hitch that horse, that's my plan.
But before that, I'll compose the banns.
She's the love of my life.
I will make her my wife.
I'm gonna hitch that horse, that's my plan.

Well, I got her, and I'm pushin' on her, she's pushin' back,
And we're both in a lather.
I've doffed my chaps, and I am on her.
I huff liniment, and I'm a goner.
I feel the facets in her vertebral ridge;
I'm higher than I've ever been before.

We're goin' along just fine, till she stops
Somethin' spooked her:
Thoughts of shysters, coiled up and ready to strike.
What if another pretty mare should beckon?
She figures she needs an edge,
In case I'm gone,
My vision clouded
By another I might be riding,
With her left high and dry.
She would be doomed,
If my assets I were hiding.
Was then she saw the light. . .
Writing on the wall.
Somewhere among the concrete canyons
Was sure to be found
A lawyer who
Had the skill to be apprising
Her of divorce grounds.

I'm gonna hitch that horse, that's my plan
But before that, I'll compose the banns.
She's the love of my life.
I will make her my wife.
I'm gonna hitch that horse, that's my plan.

She wants to get a prenup, in case I should let her down some day.
She rears up, throws me to the ground below us
And neighs, "Listen up, pal, or else I'll leave you out here with no water!
Either we get a prenup, you creep,
Or I am going to split.
Because I know I can't rely
On you, palaminomony to pay,
So we're finding a barnyard barrister today!"

I'm gonna ditch that horse, that's my plan
From my PC, I'll delete the banns.
She'd cause me too much strife
If I made her my wife.
I'm gonna ditch that horse for a dam.