yeah, his hair could be styled, that would be a surprise
he could lose so much weight, and he could mend his eyes
but he'll still have a job at the mail agency
he could change acting styles, but he'll always be Newman to me

he could soon find true love, get some girls, dye his hair blue
he could win an award that will praise his acting too
he could donate a liver, or grow a goatee
could win an Emmy, but he'll always be Newman to me

if, he takes care of himself, he did star on third rock
as a cop, in his prime
oh, launch a movie career, watch the Oscars flow in
he aint changin' my mind

and he'll like Jerry more, and he's giving up eating
start wars with Kramer, while his mouth he is feeding
he could move way out west, far from the city
not to somebody else, but he'll always be Newman to me

if, he takes care of himself, he did star on third rock
as a cop, in his prime
oh, launch a movie career, watch the Oscars flow in
he aint changin' my mind

he could start being kind, never once is he cruel
he could become real famous, people would think he's cool
he may no longer mutter, "Hello Jerry"
and the worst he could do is not get mail to you
'cause he'll always be Newman to me