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Song Parodies -> "Seventy"
Original Song Title:
"Honesty"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Billy Joel
Parody Song Title:
"Seventy"
Parody Written by:
Michael Pacholek
The Lyrics
Happy 70th Birthday to the Piano Man. This also owes a little to a bit by another Bronx native, comedian Robert Klein, who did “The Colonoscopy Song.”
(instrumental opening)
If you reach a certain age
some wisdom you can find.
You can have the smarts you need to live.
But you might lose some hair and teeth.
You might go most deaf or blind.
A doctor’s cures might be so hard to give.
Seventy
is such a weighty word.
Everything aches through and through.
Seventy
has Billy reached, I’ve heard
but still gets concert revenue!
You can always find someone
properly analyze
and ask you, “Can you please roll up your sleeve?”
But I don’t want some pretty face
to make blood pressure rise.
All I want is this pain in relief!
Seventy
is such a weighty word.
Everything aches through and through.
Seventy
has Billy reached, I’ve heard
but still gets concert revenue!
I can find a doctor!
I can find a friend!
I get colonoscopy
into the bitter end!
Anyone can comfort me
with Medicare again.
I know.
(I know.)
I know, whoa, whoa, whoa…
When it’s deep inside of me
I won’t be concerned.
It’s better than to know I’ll soon be gone.
But arthritis severity
makes it hurt each time I turn.
Give me the pills that I depend upon!
Seventy
is such a weighty word.
Everything aches through and through.
Seventy
has Billy reached, I’ve heard
but still gets concert revenue!
(instrumental close)
If you reach a certain age
some wisdom you can find.
You can have the smarts you need to live.
But you might lose some hair and teeth.
You might go most deaf or blind.
A doctor’s cures might be so hard to give.
Seventy
is such a weighty word.
Everything aches through and through.
Seventy
has Billy reached, I’ve heard
but still gets concert revenue!
You can always find someone
properly analyze
and ask you, “Can you please roll up your sleeve?”
But I don’t want some pretty face
to make blood pressure rise.
All I want is this pain in relief!
Seventy
is such a weighty word.
Everything aches through and through.
Seventy
has Billy reached, I’ve heard
but still gets concert revenue!
I can find a doctor!
I can find a friend!
I get colonoscopy
into the bitter end!
Anyone can comfort me
with Medicare again.
I know.
(I know.)
I know, whoa, whoa, whoa…
When it’s deep inside of me
I won’t be concerned.
It’s better than to know I’ll soon be gone.
But arthritis severity
makes it hurt each time I turn.
Give me the pills that I depend upon!
Seventy
is such a weighty word.
Everything aches through and through.
Seventy
has Billy reached, I’ve heard
but still gets concert revenue!
(instrumental close)
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Voting Breakdown
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| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
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| 5 | 7 | 7 | 7 |
User Comments
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A friend of mine told me the other day that his 90-year-old mother has a boy friend who's 99. And he's pressuring her for sex. Bill Joel at 70 is just a young whipper snapper. Former President Obama is younger than I am. Remember "The Fonz"? Henry Winkler, the embodiment of leather-jacketed "cool" is doing TV ads for old age annuities. Just saw "Wally" and "The Beaver" on TV yesterday. They look like I do now. When my record collectors club meets, instead of music, we now talk about infirmities and prescription medications. Security code for this comment "RPG". The late Robert D. Arndt would have liked that.
Speaking of Tony Dow and Jerry Mathers, did you hear the rumor that, after their show ended, the two of them went to the Middle East and starred in a show called "Cleave it From Theiver"? And that they went under the names "Muhammad Wali" and "Jareem Abdul Bivar" …. Course you didn't; cause tht's just ridiculous. On the other hand (badoom tssh!) they actually did spend some at Caesar's Palace as Elvis impersonators in a show called "Beaver Loves Vegas"
You, me and the two Beatles.
Don't forget Jagger and friends. Most of the "Stones" are on the north side of 70 themselves!
I may not always agree with you, Michael, but Billy Joel is an absolute legend! 5s
Billy Joel is totally our favorite legend of all time, he's love, he's life. 5s for that one.
"Muhammad Wali," CML? You mean he changed his name from "Smashus Clay"?
Yes he did, Mike ... but you may recall, that happened only after he defeated Sunni Liston in the 50 meter stoning event at the 1965 Shari'ah Games
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