(long intro)

I am the head complainer
and you know just where I stand:
Another serenader
of the problems here at hand.
Today I am to whine again.
This whine comes from the heart.
And you know my game:
I cite every shame
like I do right here
all through the year
and my whining's off the charts.

Oh, whoa.

I am the head complainer
of a supermarket price.
The things that do not work at first
I have to buy them twice.
Aw, but still they come to haunt me
after each time I pay.
So I say, "Oh, Jeez, they need batteries."
Like a nervous wreck, I go write 'em a check
and they go their merry way.

Oh, whoa.

I am the head complainer.
The biggest in the world.
About some people's malices
and how I can't get girls.
I can't remember faces
and I don't remember names.
Oh, but what the hell, you know it's just as well
'cause after a while, none can make me smile
and you know that's a shame.

I am the head complainer
about today's hit songs.
I'd like to hear good singers
but I can't wait that long.
Oh, I'd like to go kill Bieber.
I know 'twould be a crime.
But the plan's no good, he's in Hollywood.
I can't get that dork living in New York
so I just don't have the time!

I am the head complainer
about dumb TV shows
with scripts that aren't funny
and faces for radio.
Ah, in sports, things are no better.
My teams never arrive.
They all go so wrong, has it been so long
since they had some zip, won a championship
like the Devils did in '95?

I am the head complainer
the biggest of the age.
It doesn't make me money
when I protest and rage.
I've been reading all the papers
and the social media scenes.
The GOP's so cold, Democrats have mold.
And it's making me think that they all just stink
like they ate a big can of beans!

I am the head complainer!
And you know just where I stand:
Another serenader
of the problems here at hand!
Today I am to whine again!
This whine comes from the heart!
And you know my game:
I cite every shame
like I do right here
all through the year
and my whining's off the charts!

(instrumental close)