It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
My adoring fans all are right here
There's a stinky old drunk sitting next to me
pitching woo to a bottle of beer

He says, "Mublah gah wah fugga nuhmuhba
Nubluh ma na shooshee foon."
Then he mumbles some more and he pukes on the floor
So I get up and play him a tune.

"Crap!" they all say, "It's that Kazoo Guy!
How did that bum get in here?
I guess he's in the mood for a beatin'
So let's shove that thing up his rear!"

Now John at the bar is a prostitute
He gives me my "drinks" for free
and he's quick with a joke,
and he's loopy for coke
and his jacket, it smells just like pee

He says, "Claude, I believe you're an *sswipe"
as he punches me right in the face
He says "You're tellin' lies 'bout the wrong f***ing guys
So I'm kickin' you out of this place."

Oh, blah blah blah bling-bling blah
Blah blah blee blah
Blah blah

Now Paul is a real dumb bastard
Who never has time for a shower
And he's "talking" with Stan who is still in the can
They'll probly be in there an hour

And the waitress is dreaming of "Hooters"
As the drug dealers all cop a feel
Yes they're sharing a ho they call Lulabelle Jo
But it's better than smackin' the veal

Get the hell out you Kazoo Guy!
Your song has already been sung
We guess you're still wantin' a beatin'
We'll shove that kazoo up your bung!

So my fans are all gathering round me
And the bouncer has picked up a bat
And I know it's my face that they want to replace
with something a little more flat

And the kazoo, it sounds just like a carnival!
If you plug up your ears and pretend!
And they beat me with sticks and they pelt me with bricks
And say, "Man, don't come back here again!"

Get lost right now you Kazoo Guy!
Get up and get out of here!
We're all in the mood to just slug you!
We'll shove that kazoo up your rear!