(instrumental opening)

It's nine o'clock on a new workday.
The regular crowd shuffles in.
They all walk by my desk, but my chair's empty.
They all know that I'm out sick again.

Say, doc, don't you bring me an enema!
I'm very quite sure where it goes!
And I'm sad and I'm sick, but I don't need that trick
when pajamas are my only clothes!

Oh, la, da-da, da-de-da..
la-da, da-de-da, da... oy...

Sing you a song of pneumonia!
Sing you a song tonight!
Well, I'm so in the mood for a remedy!
Will you get me feeling all right?

Now, John at the pharmacy's friend of mine.
He gets me my drugs for free.
But there's catch to the joke: He will give you a poke.
It's in someplace you rather not be.

I say, "John, I believe this is killing me!"
But the smile still remains on his face.
He says, "Take two of these, in the morning, call!
Now, go on, get out of this place!"

Oh, la, da-da, da-de-da..
la-da, da-de-da, da... oy...

Now, Paul's an ear-nose-and-throat specialist
whose secretary is his third wife.
And he's prodding and scoping, and I'm in there hoping
that he'll find a way to save my life.

I've gone to him since practicing pediatrics.
The last time was for a gallstone.
He says, "Go take this drink called Bioboost."
I did -- he should have left well alone!

(BJ's usual piano break sounds angrier than ever)

Sing you a song of pneumonia!
Sing you a song tonight!
Well, I'm so in the mood for a remedy!
Will you get me feeling all right?

It's a pretty bad cough on a Saturday
but soon someone gives me a smile.
'Cause the lady did swoop in with her chicken soup.
I'll be sitting upright in a while.

And her soup, well, it tastes really horrible!
But not bad when it's chased by a beer!
And I sit up in bed, clears my chest and my head!
I say, "Babe, I'm so glad that you're here!"

Oh, la, da-da, da-de-da..
la-da, da-de-da, da-dum!

Sing you a song of pneumonia!
Looks like it's been cured tonight!
Well, I was in the mood for a remedy!
And she's got me feeling all right!

(instrumental close)