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Song Parodies -> "Can't Stand Jack"
Original Song Title:
"Captain Jack"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Billy Joel
Parody Song Title:
"Can't Stand Jack"
Parody Written by:
Michael Pacholek
The Lyrics
Another anti-"Jack-FM" parody.
(instrumental opening)
Saturday night, the knob is turning around.
You want to rock out there in New York town.
You want your Cousin Brucie to spin 'em round
for a while.
Mm-hm...
He'd send songs to The Village
to Brooklyn and Queens.
Connecticut boys would hear
out on the town greens
and the Jersey boys turned it up
out on the scene
and they'd smile.
Whoa-ho....
I can't stand Jack!
I hate that guy tonight!
From Morristown out to Long Island!
I can't stand Jack!
Just pass him by tonight!
Bring the oldies back and I'll be smilin!
Oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh yeah...
My sister's gone out, she's on a date.
Even though she was born in '78
she still likes songs from well before that date.
Don't we all?
Mm-hm?
And we stand on the corner in our Fifties clothes.
Boys, we look so boss there, from our hair down to our toes.
But the program director, we wanna punch his nose.
He's got gall!
Whoa-ho...
I can't stand Jack!
I hate that guy tonight!
From Poughkeepsie to Long Beach Island!
I can't stand Jack!
I cannot lie tonight!
Bring the oldies back and I'll be smilin!
Oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh yeah...
So you decide to get it off your chest.
You wanna tell 'em to play the songs you like the best.
Aw, but there's no one there to take your request.
And what for?
Mm-hm?
And you've heard everything, you know what's cool.
Think of songs you heard by the swimming pool.
Songs you danced to at the diner after school.
Not no more!
Whoa-ho...
I can't stand Jack!
I hate that guy tonight!
From New Haven to Staten Island!
I can't stand Jack!
I wish he'd fly tonight!
Bring the oldies back and I'll be smilin!
Oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh yeah...
So you play your albums that you like a lot
and you meet your girlfriend at your usual spot.
Aw, and you're aching for your Camelot.
What went wrong?
Mm-hm?
And you can't understand why your radio's dead.
Why they had to change the style, with an empty head.
Well, it's 9:00, but still, you feel like going to bed
with no good song!
Whoa-ho, whoa, yeah, yeah!
I can't stand Jack!
I hate that guy tonight!
From Morristown out to Long Island!
Aw, I can't stand Jack!
Just pass him by tonight!
Bring the oldies back and I'll be smilin!
Whoa, I can't stand Jack!
I hate that guy tonight!
From Morristown out to Long Island!
Aw, I can't stand Jack!
And he must die tonight!
Bring the oldies back and I'll be smilin!
(repeat 'til fade)
Saturday night, the knob is turning around.
You want to rock out there in New York town.
You want your Cousin Brucie to spin 'em round
for a while.
Mm-hm...
He'd send songs to The Village
to Brooklyn and Queens.
Connecticut boys would hear
out on the town greens
and the Jersey boys turned it up
out on the scene
and they'd smile.
Whoa-ho....
I can't stand Jack!
I hate that guy tonight!
From Morristown out to Long Island!
I can't stand Jack!
Just pass him by tonight!
Bring the oldies back and I'll be smilin!
Oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh yeah...
My sister's gone out, she's on a date.
Even though she was born in '78
she still likes songs from well before that date.
Don't we all?
Mm-hm?
And we stand on the corner in our Fifties clothes.
Boys, we look so boss there, from our hair down to our toes.
But the program director, we wanna punch his nose.
He's got gall!
Whoa-ho...
I can't stand Jack!
I hate that guy tonight!
From Poughkeepsie to Long Beach Island!
I can't stand Jack!
I cannot lie tonight!
Bring the oldies back and I'll be smilin!
Oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh yeah...
So you decide to get it off your chest.
You wanna tell 'em to play the songs you like the best.
Aw, but there's no one there to take your request.
And what for?
Mm-hm?
And you've heard everything, you know what's cool.
Think of songs you heard by the swimming pool.
Songs you danced to at the diner after school.
Not no more!
Whoa-ho...
I can't stand Jack!
I hate that guy tonight!
From New Haven to Staten Island!
I can't stand Jack!
I wish he'd fly tonight!
Bring the oldies back and I'll be smilin!
Oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh yeah...
So you play your albums that you like a lot
and you meet your girlfriend at your usual spot.
Aw, and you're aching for your Camelot.
What went wrong?
Mm-hm?
And you can't understand why your radio's dead.
Why they had to change the style, with an empty head.
Well, it's 9:00, but still, you feel like going to bed
with no good song!
Whoa-ho, whoa, yeah, yeah!
I can't stand Jack!
I hate that guy tonight!
From Morristown out to Long Island!
Aw, I can't stand Jack!
Just pass him by tonight!
Bring the oldies back and I'll be smilin!
Whoa, I can't stand Jack!
I hate that guy tonight!
From Morristown out to Long Island!
Aw, I can't stand Jack!
And he must die tonight!
Bring the oldies back and I'll be smilin!
(repeat 'til fade)
If Billy Joel hears Jack-FM, he would NOT say "It's still rock and roll to me."
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Sorry I didn't see this first, so I'm going to repeat myself here...WABC (yes the talk station that used to be the best damn Top-40 station in the world) is playing music again, as a direct result of JACK-FM bumping WCBS-FM's oldies format--one of the worst moves in New York radio history. WABC is doing an oldies show every Sat. night from 6-10. You've got to check it out. Mark Simmone's the host, and he has gone to great lengths to revive the old WABC musicradio sound, complete with old jingles, reverb, old commercials...and of course a great playlist. Even if you aren't in the NY area you might be able to hear the broadcast--I was in Florida a few weeks ago and picked up the show on the car radio! Not to worry, the show is completely non-political (unlike their talk format, which is nauseating). BTW I'm not affiliated with WABC, just a very happy listener on Saturday nights!
Another good one.
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