It's nine o'clock on a saturday
The regular show's on TV
There's my old mum sitting next to me
Askin' just how much help can I be?

She says, son, can you go help your grandmother
Please do not just sit there and grouse
But she's older than you, and she has lots to do
'Cause tomorrow she's gonna move house

Blah blah, naggy-nag, blah blah, naggy-nag
Blah blah, naggy-nag, nag nag

Chorus:
"Lend her a hand, she's your granny, man
Lend her a hand tonight
And you know you'll feel good just for helping her"
Oh, it's like moral blackmail alright

Now John is my bro, and a friend of mine
But he's much lazier than me
He saw what's goin' on, before me: now he's gone
It's anyplace else that he'll be

He says, Phil, helping out would be killing me
As the smile ran away from his face
Well, I just couldn't schlepp it, though Granny's decrepit
I've gotta get out of this place

Blah blah, naggy-nag, blah blah, naggy-nag
Blah blah, naggy-nag, nag nag

Now Dad is a real male chauvanist
Who never has time for his wife
And him helping his poor, aged mother-in-law
Just ain't gonna happen this life

And I'm practising domestic politics
So Granny's not packing alone
And I'm wringing from mom some incentives
And it's like getting blood from a stone

Chorus

It's pretty good TV for Saturday
Gil Grissom is on CSI
And mum knows that it's he that I tune in to see
To forget about life for a while

But mum goes on and on like a gramophone
With a needle that's stuck in the track
So I sigh "I'll be gone, once the video's on
And I'll watch all the rest when I'm back"

Blah blah, naggy-nag
Blah, naggy-nag, nag nag

Final chorus:
"OK, I'll help out, she's my granny, mam
I'll give her a hand tonight
And you say I'll feel good, so won't you tell me:
What makes moral blackmail alright?"