There ain’t no gun crime in Saigon
That’s what the embassy did say,
Ain’t no gun crime in Saigon
And if I should say that’s wrong,
They would soon lock me away.

I bought a pig in Vietnam
’Cause I like bacon, pork and ham,
Bought a pig in Vietnam
’Cause I like bacon, pork and ham,
Any time I go away.

I hope that this pig doesn’t squeal
Because this nation’s just ideal,
I hope that this pig doesn’t squeal
Because this nation’s just ideal.
I hope you’ll visit it one day.

I need to find an abattoir,
I’ll take the pig there in my car.
I need to find an abattoir,
I’ll take the pig there in my car,
Then clean it out without delay.

The hotels there are very fine,
With tempting menus when you dine,
The hotels there are very fine,
Vacate your room by half-past nine,
When it’s time to go away.

I wanna get some apple sauce,
I’ll pay the retail price of course.
I need to get some apple sauce
But if I did take it by force,
Then a fine I’d have to pay.

Compared to China, Saigon’s hotter;
Would you care to share a trotter?
Ain’t no gun crime in Saigon
And if I should say that’s wrong,
They would soon lock me away.

I can give you several hints
If you’d care to buy some mince:
Don’t give way to ladies’ charms
When they hold you in their arms,
Any time you start to sway.
Just tell them .... to go away,
Just tell them .... to go away.