I had a bad date let me tell you
With a girl both pretty and rich
She might seem to be sweet on the outside
But man that girl is such a big ...

(chorus)

Billiards ball, in billiards halls
Use your pool cue to hit it off of walls

In the place called Oz there were munchkins
Who were terrorized by a witch
But one day came Dorothy from Kansas
With her house that flattened the... (chorus)

That Quidditch game played by Wizards
The one with the quaffers and snitch
If someone got hit with a bludger
I bet that would hurt like a... (chorus)

Just last week I was playing baseball
The pitcher hit me with a pitch
The umpire had me suspended
Since I tackled the son of a... (chorus)

I once pulled a prank at a party
I threw someone into a ditch
And he scraped his knee when he landed
So he started to cry like a... (chorus)

If you think my verses were stupid
So much so that it makes you twitch
If you can do better then do it
Otherwise you have no right to...

Billiards balls, in billiards halls
Use your pool cue to hit them off of walls