Well, it was a fine park-bum day,
So onto the seat I pressed
My glutes—I thought in a fun way,
But that seat was damn distressed—
Its wood was a wretched alder,
And when it met my behind—
There was something that I was about to find.

Well, my meaty sphincter was doomed:
Slivered-hole-from-chair surprise.
In my butthole wood was entombed;
I couldn’t stifle my cries.
It’s nearly a colon indent;
I just hope that I can find
It and then cleanly pull it out of my hind.

Hope to tweeze it from my sphincter
If I can locate it there.
My bum I might have to tinker
With to extract it with care.
With luck I can take it out without much pain—
Feels like I’m snake-bit.

From my meaty sphincter exhume
Slivered-hole-from-chair surprise.
That seat I’d used in the restroom
Is the reason for the pries
To remove what’s colon-ingressed;
I just hope that I can find
It and then cleanly pull it out of my hind.

As I tweeze it from my sphincter,
I am certain that it’s snared.
I just hope it’s not a clinger
Or I’ll need to get repaired.
With luck I can take it out without much pain—
I must not make shit.

Doo, not! Doo, not. . .!