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Song Parodies -> "Money! Money! Money! (It's All That We Know Here)"
Original Song Title:
"Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)"
(MP3)Original Performer:
ABBA
Parody Song Title:
"Money! Money! Money! (It's All That We Know Here)"
Parody Written by:
Edward Genereux
The Lyrics
From the disco opera "TCU." I apologize sincerely for the lack of parodies last month, but my studies at the University of Minnesota got in the way. Now, however, I have an opportunity to begin side two of this endeavour. Anyway, we turn the clock back from the BCS title game to new BCS executive director Bill Hancock's oration a few hours earlier. In his speech, he uses three reasons to justify the status quo in college football's postseason as opposed to a playoff. Those three reasons are money, money and money. It should be noted that while the bowl system does bring participating institutions in FBS fooball plenty of money, the amount of revenue garnered from a certain bowl game should not be the only reason for a certain postseason system in any given sport--pro, college or high school. This inculdes college football.
Spoken prelude.
Big 12 commissioner Kevin Weiberg: Ladies and gentlemen, our new executive director of the BCS, Bill Hancock.
Bill Hancock: Thank you. In the past month or so, there have been many grumblings about the postseason system in force since 1998 in the NCAA Division I Football Bowl Subdivision, formerly Division I-A. Today, I will assure you that the system is indeed working and is the best possible system for college football's postseason.
(The media people suddenly clamour.)
Reporter: What about a playoff? A playoff would work even better for any level of college football. After all, all other classifications of college football have one.
Hancock: Playoff? A playoff? Playoff schmayoff, we don't need one! Besides, it would drain the coffers of all FBS institutions. That's money that can go not only to other sports, but the rest of these instutitions' educational mission and needs. (Music begins) Besides, I have the support of over 120 university presidents! (A choir of 121 university presidents is illuminated behind Hancock)
Stanza I. Hancock
It's half past three
And you ask 'bout a playoff
For the future right here.
I can tell you one thing, it ain't very near!
If you want
A better postseason system
Like the FCS has,
Just shut up or else I'll have to kick your ass.
There's not a better system,
So you just have to listen.
Refrain. Hancock and choir.
Money, money, money! it's all that we know here;
If you want a playoff, don't watch college football.
Money, money, money! it's all that we know here;
How the thought of playoffs gives me infinite gall!
Stanza II. Hancock
On the field
You can see all the money that enriches the schools.
That way they can build sport venues that are cool!
Oh, the cash
That relieves much tuition that the students do pay.
If you don't like it, that's too bad anyway.
The NCAA
Should never rule the day.
Refrain. Hancock and choir
Money, money, money! it's all that we know here;
Ten dozen institutions have had much better fates.
Money, money, money! it's all that we know here;
Bring the small schools bowl games to make finances great.
Money, money, money! it's all that we know here. (2x)
(During the instrumental solo, first Hancock, then choir and finally press chant "No more playoff!" repeatedly.)
Bridge. Hancock
All levels should have bowls
To make finances whole.
Refrain. Hancock and choir
Money, money, money! it's all that we know here;
Don't you just agree that it can help schools with dough?
Money, money, money! it's all that we know here;
Oh, the way you do it is our own status quo.
Money, money, money! it's all that we know here;
Middling schools that whine can lose their title delusions.
Money, money, money, it's all that we know here;
Keeping the bowl system is our only solution.
(Music fades)
Big 12 commissioner Kevin Weiberg: Ladies and gentlemen, our new executive director of the BCS, Bill Hancock.
Bill Hancock: Thank you. In the past month or so, there have been many grumblings about the postseason system in force since 1998 in the NCAA Division I Football Bowl Subdivision, formerly Division I-A. Today, I will assure you that the system is indeed working and is the best possible system for college football's postseason.
(The media people suddenly clamour.)
Reporter: What about a playoff? A playoff would work even better for any level of college football. After all, all other classifications of college football have one.
Hancock: Playoff? A playoff? Playoff schmayoff, we don't need one! Besides, it would drain the coffers of all FBS institutions. That's money that can go not only to other sports, but the rest of these instutitions' educational mission and needs. (Music begins) Besides, I have the support of over 120 university presidents! (A choir of 121 university presidents is illuminated behind Hancock)
Stanza I. Hancock
It's half past three
And you ask 'bout a playoff
For the future right here.
I can tell you one thing, it ain't very near!
If you want
A better postseason system
Like the FCS has,
Just shut up or else I'll have to kick your ass.
There's not a better system,
So you just have to listen.
Refrain. Hancock and choir.
Money, money, money! it's all that we know here;
If you want a playoff, don't watch college football.
Money, money, money! it's all that we know here;
How the thought of playoffs gives me infinite gall!
Stanza II. Hancock
On the field
You can see all the money that enriches the schools.
That way they can build sport venues that are cool!
Oh, the cash
That relieves much tuition that the students do pay.
If you don't like it, that's too bad anyway.
The NCAA
Should never rule the day.
Refrain. Hancock and choir
Money, money, money! it's all that we know here;
Ten dozen institutions have had much better fates.
Money, money, money! it's all that we know here;
Bring the small schools bowl games to make finances great.
Money, money, money! it's all that we know here. (2x)
(During the instrumental solo, first Hancock, then choir and finally press chant "No more playoff!" repeatedly.)
Bridge. Hancock
All levels should have bowls
To make finances whole.
Refrain. Hancock and choir
Money, money, money! it's all that we know here;
Don't you just agree that it can help schools with dough?
Money, money, money! it's all that we know here;
Oh, the way you do it is our own status quo.
Money, money, money! it's all that we know here;
Middling schools that whine can lose their title delusions.
Money, money, money, it's all that we know here;
Keeping the bowl system is our only solution.
(Music fades)
In the next song, (a parody of "Does You Mother Know?"), Bowman and Poole gather with me and my playoff allies to discuss the message of Hancock's speech about how the bowl system is supposedly working.
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User Comments
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Sorry, from the parody title, I was expecting ABBA's "Money, Money, Money" -- which *would* have been the perfect OS for your theme. DK this one, nor the football situation, so can't really rate it. But try it again as suggested, maybe?
You ask all night, you ask all day
About the bowl games we could play
That's so sad
The athletes, best, don't come to me
Because we can't afford their fee
Cough up, grad! ... etc.
You ask all night, you ask all day
About the bowl games we could play
That's so sad
The athletes, best, don't come to me
Because we can't afford their fee
Cough up, grad! ... etc.
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