My my, this portaloo is quite the nasal offender
Oh yeah, imagine all the pimply rims that touched that seat today
See the glistening stain near the shelf
The last guy wasn’t here by himself

Portaloo - have to be seated, I close the door
Portaloo - paper or hover I’m not too sure
Portaloo - couldn’t sit down if I wanted to
Portaloo - how many dates has this seat been through?
Portaloo - finally facing I gotta poo

My my, I tried to hold you in but you got longer
Oh yeah, and now it seems my only chance is squeezing really tight
But how could I ever refuse
My belt buckle starts to come loose

Portaloo - I will admit it, I had a bog
Portaloo - held onto the sides and I pushed a log
Portaloo - it actually looked a lot more like stew
Portaloo - knowing my fate is to pee in you
Portaloo - the red on my face says I fought her too

So why did I go off and choose
To eat those raw eggs and stewed prunes

Portaloo - couldn’t have sprayed never wanted to
Portaloo - knowing my kids want to use it too
Portaloo - finally making my daughter spew
Portaloo - knowing the paper is miniscule
Portaloo - not flushing just made my afternoon