Put on those fishnet stockings, the ones you wore at Halloween,
Put on those fishnet stockings, the ones you wore at Halloween,
Please wear those fishnet stockings, ’cause they make you look so mean.

Put on that red dress baby, you make it sparkle in the Spring,
Put on that red dress baby, you make it sparkle in the Spring,
Put on that red dress baby, it always makes the party swing.

Put on that red dress baby, we found it in that Blackheath store,
Put on that red dress baby, we found it in that Blackheath store,
Put on that red dress baby, it doesn’t fit me anymore!

I’ve got some Old Crow liquor and my pay cheque in my hand, *
Because even Aldi’s whisky costs far more than we planned.
They’ve had the dancefloor varnished, so it’s high time we made a stand,

Put on those high-heeled sneakers, see how they complement your clothes,
Put on those high-heeled sneakers, see how they complement your clothes
They’ll raise your profile on that dancefloor, and you know they pinch my toes!

Put on your wide hat baby, it keeps the drizzle off your hair,
Put on your wide hat baby, to keep the drizzle off your hair,
Just thread a feather ’neath its ribbon, to make the crowds at Ascot stare.