“Today’s Toupées” – Tommy Roe ‘60s

Chorus:
You say toupées all look like “the s-noun,”
You say toupées all slip off your crown.
Today’s toupées’s not only look slick,
Today’s toupées are promised to stick.

Sprays’ll* seem to cover many a spot
But they’re sure to run when you get sweaty and hot
Today’s toupées’ll never do that
You always keep your cool, no need for a hat.

(Chorus)

Rays’ll** for a while do the job and deceive
But it takes time and money to maintain a hair weave.
Today’s toupees you can don and forget
Just like a fella’s yarmulke or lady’s hairnet.

(Chorus)

Days’ll pass before sprouts grow with Rogaine,
And implants only guarantee you plenty of pain
Today’s toupees breed no such complaints --
They beat an operation, drugs, a weave or those paints!

Today’s toupées’ll make smiles from your frown
Today’s toupées’ll not once let you down
Today’s toupées’ll keep you lookin’ swell
Today’s toupées’ll look lifelike as hell
Today’s toupées’s not only look slick,
Today’s toupées are promised to stick.