[cab door opening, slamming shut]

Driver, driver,
Driver, please drive me…
Hey, can you drive me
Somewhere downtown?

They got this piano bar named Ernie’s.
Might help my boredom.
I’m deep in boredom.
I’m depressed so bad.

I got kicked out of school… (Sonny, sonny)
Say, what’s your name? (Where are you going?)
I failed ev’ry class— (Greenwich Village?)
‘Cept English, a B. (Where’re we going? Son, where’re you going?)

But now it’s mid-December— (Kiddo, kiddo)
Dad’ll kill me! (Where are you going?)
Well, I had to leave. (Kiddo, kiddo)
Damn, I had to leave, see? (Kiddo, kiddo…My name is Horwitz…)

Driver, driver, (Where’re we going?)
Where do the ducks go? (Where will this cab go?)
The pond is frozen. (Wait a minute…)
Central Park is so cold. (What’re you saying?)
Hey, Horwitz… (Kid, what’re you saying?)

[traffic horns blasting]

Horwitz, Horwitz,
Where do the ducks go? (“Where do the ducks go?!”)
Don’t get all annoyed at me! (How should I know?)
I just wanted to, uh, know. (How should I know? Don’t waste my time, kid!)

The pond gets freezing, breezy, freezing (Mother Nature…)
Cold in the winter. (..takes care of business!)
Damn cold in winter! (She won’t freeze them!)
And you can’t swim there. (Kid, you’re crazy! Kid, you are crazy!)

Before you let me out, (Pay your fare now!)
You are a touchy guy. (Out of my cab, boy!)
I just asked a question. (Where’s your parents?)
You wanna kick my behind. (Kids are crazy! Boy, kids are crazy!)

Horwitz, Horwitz, (What’s your problem?)
Hey, wanna join me? (No time for booze, boy!)
Ah, he just drives off. (Crazy bastard!)
I’m by myself. (Crazy bastard! Boy, crazy bastard!)

I wonder, wonder,
Where do the ducks go?
There’s too many questions.
Guess I’ll go to the bar…