This is the rend;
Suit I will mend.
This is the rend
You tore in bend, my friend.

Oh, wow! You gashed the pants, I'll mend.
It makes it hard to dance, the rend.
A safety pin you tried, to mend.
With thread that's hooked it will be tied, my friend.

There's a rip there, I can see:
Out would slip your heinie.
Desperately you need a strong sewer's hand
For those vestments grand.

Cloth came from Roman milliners--nice grain--
Who work in villas, next to grain,
Where distillers put to flame
Maize, wheat; swillin' bilge they gain.

There's danger that the threads fall down. . .
Why they are hiked way up there.
Leers seen if eyed butthole shines.
Heinie'd be undressed. . .nates.

Tried to baste, tried to baste,
Basted in haste. . .wasted.
The baste's not strong--
Wretched trial.
What a waste.
I'll sew with a stitch that holds

This thread's just the best,
This thread can be pressed,
Won't shear when you get undressed.

Your huge butt, I think, helped bust
Your suit, but it will be trussed
By thread that can hold up a bus.

With thimble, no poke, no score thumb,
So I'll put on one.
I'll make a pace of patient patchery,
Then the cloth I'll start to awl.
I'll have to slightly groom and snip the rip, and then I'll
Patch with bits clipped from the cuff turns, and then I'll
Match it all up, one and all.

You'll have raiment once more,
And you'll look like pride.
Haberdashers will watch and thrill to
Touch it. They'll want that lush suit.

Come on, take me out to dance, you must,
Come on, take me out--your pants won't bust,
Come on, shake it, there's no chance your butt
Will sneak free in the back. . .no view disgust,
You movin' to rock,
No new rip-bust,
So don't eschew rock--
Come on, dance!

Stitch chick stitch-fix, nix rip.

This is the mend,
Suit-rippin' friend.
Fixed is the rend
From your deep bend. . .butt end.

It burst, you bent, tush seen
Butt view, cleft trench, hollow 'tween
Your end, two fat lumps soft as pies
Your end as white as a moonrise.

Fixed with the mend.